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Mab

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(15 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

Public Service Announcement.. Only not [21 Jul 2005|07:34pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I dunno if I'll do drama next year you guys. I feel kinda out of place there now. I dunno. Ive been trying to hard to make a life for myself that had absolutely nothing to do with citrus high school, I think I lost all my friends in the process. Im so far away from 4405 and the Co9 and Im not really sure how I feel about it.

I really liked being with Myriah again. It felt so good. I can still loves the Co9 one or two at a time, but we've all gotten so different. its hard to have all of us together again.

I think Im better now. I dont think Im depressed anymore, now I just need to decide what I want to do with myself now that all of my energy isnt spent on hating me. I might pop in and out of drama this year, work backstage or at home, I dont really feel right with all the people backstage and stuff, maybe I can do the historical kinda stuffs, or is that KTB's job? I dunno

I dunno..

(3 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[20 May 2005|10:56am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Yaay, Im all proud of myself cause I made a responsible choice yesterday and did the right thing as opposed to what I really wanted to do :)


Kosmo has a new toy which he is currently tearing apart under my desk.

I had a lot to say before I got online but I just forgot it all

(6 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[18 May 2005|09:48am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I HAVE MESMERIzE!!!

And God and I are fighting again. God's gettin all power-trippy like I'm god remember? I can kill you and it would be easy. Observe: **Cars pulls RIGHT FUCKING IN FRONT OF US and we have to SLAM ON THE FREAKING BRAKES to avoid being involved in a FIVE CAR PILE-UP in the middle of freaking LECANTO**

Dammit, gods being an asshole lately. Now my new cd doesnt work in the stereo so I cant blast CIGARRO. Dammit, what does it want me to do, apologize? Fuck that, I didnt do anything wrong, I was perfectly within reason to be a LITTLE FUCKING PISSED.

Hey John? Im not sorry if you feel like shit. Actually, I hope you do. And I hope for the sake of any girl that ever has the misfortune of meeting you that your self esteem is way too fucking low to even get up the nerve to THINK about her, much less try to actually date her.
I hope some 300 pound guy rapes and drowns you next to a primary school, youd deserve it you cheap whore.

OH, I said it
~*~Waits for the wrath of God....

(8 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[17 May 2005|11:53am]
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. have i ever hurt you?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. are we close?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. Whats something you would change about me?
29. How well do you know me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
33. Whats something you love about me?
34. Do you think I'm a paranoid, schizophrenic, spastic insomniac with obsesive compulsion?

(4 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[17 May 2005|11:35am]
Flo has been sick for the past week. Im really starting to worry about her. I spent all morning trying to shove a piece of food down her throat. For a six year old cat she can do some pretty serious damage. but i got her to swallow a little.

I got a Korn cd in philly. And Mesmerize comes out today!!!

(1 comment|I wanna wake up where you are)

[15 May 2005|06:38pm]
In philly now, having a hella good time. Ive been seeing things all over the place that ive wanted to get for my Co9 but i have not enough money. grrr.

today was the isreali independence day and me and dad and about 1300 other jews got together in the park and danced the hora in a HUGE-ass circle. And there were people there selling jewelry and clothes and stuff, it was this huge celebration. really fun.

we had breakfast in chinatown, it was really cool. we might go back tomorrow, i wanna get some of those little silk slippers that look so comfy.

the view from the hotel is awesome, we're on the 29th floor.

theres an open air market down the street that is like a mall only combined with chinatown and add a bunch of craft shops and more places to buy food, it was cool.. yah that sentece REALLY made a lotta sence...

We're going out to dinner now, we have 730 reservations at a cuban restaraunt. i might be able to get back online before we get home but doubtful so talk to ya monday night,


LOVES!

(1 comment|I wanna wake up where you are)

[14 May 2005|05:31am]
In my dream I had the Yellowcard dvd and boscoe tried to kill us all.






























It's five thirty in the fucking morning.

(2 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[13 May 2005|12:39pm]
[ mood | busy ]

hey today's friday the thirteenth...

And I cant find my ipod. Thril fucking stole it :-p

(3 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[10 May 2005|08:56am]
I got to talk to Scott last night for a while, it was cool. We decided we were going to go to a star trek convention dressed as jedi and piss off the trekkies... Which is why Scott and I should never be left to amuse ourselves.

So now after having failed algebra I, not only am I taking "liberal arts" next year but geometry and latin as well. Latin sounds fun but that geometry part really bothers me.

Nothing much is new here.. Didnt sleep a lot last night. Probly spend today talking/arguing with regina about my state of mental health. Then theres a drama meeting. which I look foward to. Kinda.

Imma see if I can sleep.
Loves

(1 comment|I wanna wake up where you are)

[09 May 2005|06:54pm]
So it was decided in Gville today that the a.d.d medication they were giving me is also giving me a mood disorder/insomnia/I still dont pay attention to shit.
So now I'm getting off of that shit and then they'll either put me on a mood stable-izer or stimulants, two drugs with two totally opposite effects. Im kinda hoping for the former. Nothin would make me happier right now than to be allowed to sleep all the time and actually be asleep and not waking up every few hours.. which could have contributed to my bitchiness.

?There's a manditory meeting tomorrow?

And I have ANOTHER appt to go see some other shrink with mom on wednesday morning.

GROWL

(2 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[09 May 2005|07:34am]
[ mood | grumpy ]

I feel like shit.
I don't wanna go to "school". I dont wanna see anyone I have to see today. Not even Jake. I don't wanna hear from him. I wanna lie down next to Thril and hug her til she's ready to punch me.

I cant get my ipod to play the songs I want. I tried to download Holiday, St Jimmy and She's a Rebel. I highlighted those songs. And now Novacaine and two other songs that I hate are there and I DIDNT FUCKING PUT THEM THERE! Stupid thing to be pissed about but my god I'mma kill those fuckers.

My neck/shoulderish area hurts. Maybe I will have Jake over today just to make him rub my shoulders. I'll put ducktape over his mouth. His voice is on the list of things that piss me off right now. That and Regina's. What is it with people with loud voices? I wish they had a volume dial so I could just turn them to whisper.
Dyou how annoying it is, the two people I see most often have voices that, on days like this sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. But how do I explain to someone that I can't stand their voice today? Maybe I'll just say I have a headache. that'll make everything be quiet anyway..
When I have a headache I listen to System of a Down really fuckin loud. It makes it stop hurting...I dont understand it either.
Fuck... Now I really do have a headache.
I'mma go lie down and listen to Toxicity.

*Love and hugs and fish-sticks*

(4 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[08 May 2005|09:53am]
[ mood | loved ]

So yesterday Jake came to kidnap me and took me to Andy's house. Then we piled Andy, Richard, Ryan, ashley me and jake into two cars and went to manatee lanes where we rented some lanes and played for hours.
It was great, Richard (Andy's little brother who is like a brother to me) kept calling my name and yelling "Don't fuck up!" and of course I had to turn and go "huh?" which resulted in hella heavy bowling balls falling very very close to my toes.
While I wasnt standing up and bowling, Richard and his 170 pound self was sitting on my lap bouncing to the music, flicking me in the head, teasing me and massaging my shoulders. I love having a brother.

Andy and I were singing along on my ipod shuffle and we later started a game of "how much of jake's hamburger can we eat while he's not looking before he notices whats going on".

When Josh got there we played tag for a bit like we always do. Running around like little kids, he accidently kicked over a chair. Later a friggin HUGE guy came up and said "hey, you knocked over that chair, really scared my girl." I tried not to laugh at the thought of the poor female that needs to be protected from the big bad chair and hurried away leaving josh to avoid a fight on his own.

When he came back to the group he found me sitting on the ground with my arms crossed and Jake and Andy's mom sitting around me on chairs.
Andy's mom pointed at Josh "Give her her birthday spankings!"
I dunno who looked more scared, me or Josh. Jake said "I wanna do it!" and Andy's mom told him that I didn't want him to do it, let the hot guy do it.
So now the three of them are sitting around me, I'm still on the floor hanging on to the hope that maybe me and my ass would escape without being harmed.
Suddenly I'm bent over Andy's mom's lap and she, Jae and Josh are taking turns hitting me.
After that I pouted a while and watched Ashley kick the crap out of everyone else at another game of bowling and then I had to go home.
When I got home System of a Down was playing on Saturday Night Live and I got to watch.

Today Jake's going out to see his mom. He wanted me to go but I stayed here to be with mine.
I dunno what to do about him. Sometimes I wish I could be his mom for him because he misses her so much. I wish I could have met her. She sounds amazing.

(3 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

Your daily cup~a~DUH [07 May 2005|11:28am]
[ mood | amused ]

Apparently "That's what you have your whipped husband for" is not the best way to get out of setting the table.

(9 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

THINK [04 May 2005|09:17am]
[ mood | busy ]

In order to introduce a new form of government, an uprising needs to take place.
THINK is the first step in a campaign for a worker's revolution in the United States.

The thing is though, we can't rush into a revolution that lets the working class take charge in their own lives. The reason democracy failed (other than turning into more of a dictatorship than a government run by the people) is because it lets just any idiot be in charge.

Before we can rid ourselves of the Bradys and Darbys and Gaffneys of America and let the everyday person decide what's best for his company or his home, we have to make sure that people know what they're doing.

THINK Revolution was designed for the purpose of educating the future of America.
Personally, I think high schools should have classes that teach real life skills. How to balance a checkbook, how to recognize a loan-shark and keep yourself out of debt, how to manage and finance a company, how the stock markets work, how to THINK!.
If we know how to do these things for ourselves, we can work together towards a future free of poverty and opression.


Please send any and all questions, comments, random noises, death threats, etc. to Think_Revolution@yahoo.com

(19 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[02 May 2005|10:48am]
[ mood | oh yah babes ]

In my dream I had a baby.
It wasn't my baby though, it was just asleep in my lap. It was so fuckin cute! and I would have taken him home with me if Id been given the chance.
I went to lakeland yesterday to meet my biology teacher. it was cool. I might take Latin next.

Tomorrow I turn 16!!!
I feel so young cause most of the others Ive been hanging around with lately are turning 17 about now. Josh and Andy'll be 18 this year i think. Matt and Jake both just turned 19. Rawr.

I havent been sleeping much lately.
And I forgot to druggify for two days so I think Im back to my "normal" chemical level, i'll do it tomorrow though cause my birthday will kick ass. w00t!

Im starting to put together a portfolio of my drawings and stuffs.

Yesterday I gave money to the skater kids for doing tricks for me. Cash doesn't win friends but it can help out with your popularity. I'm gonna make them teach me to skateboard. If not out of the kindness of their punky little hearts, I'll probly buy them food and stuffs.

Sometime this week I'm gonna get mom to take me around and we'll get applications and stuff for jobs. Cause i like money.

hmm.. thats all i can think of. Im off to play with my Kosmic.
TTFN!

(1 comment|I wanna wake up where you are)

[29 Apr 2005|10:36am]
[ mood | yey ]

So I told Jake that I wanted to "break up" for a while. Or at least see each other a little less so I could "make an honest effort to regain some friends and stop letting him monopolize your time" <--- Vicki.

We're still hella best friends though. He's like a brother in that theres no getting rid of him. I'll still help him study and I still hold his money for him do he can't spend it. He still drives me everywhere and lets me call him at midnight when Im too hyper to sleep.

The only difference now is that we'll see less of each other.

This weekend I'm gonna get mom to help me and we'll go get applications for jobs at like.. Wendys.. Bealls.. Kmart.. whoever's hiring. I hope mom has energy to move this weekend. Lately she never seems to wanna do anything but sleep. I know shes been sick though.

I might get to see Josh today. He said he might come by before work or on break or something.
I guess I havta go finish my biology exam now.. loves loves

(3 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[26 Apr 2005|10:47am]
[ mood | still simmering ]

Jennifer pisses me the hell off.
Im gonna be at citrus tomorrow if anyone wants to see me I'll be in Hayes's room. I'll go through C wing to see GECKO but then I'm on my way.

Hey Thril, I'm working on a song, its actually pretty good so far, I like it.
This weekend Jake and Andy are gonna take me out for my sweet sixteen. GECKS, let me know how many tickets we need for concert #Arty-hotness.

I've been kinda upset lately but I'm not gonna show it cause I know how much it hurt me when Jennifer was a bitch to someone I love. I'll do my best to turn the other way as I make weird faces about Ben. I guess it's only fair though that I lend Jen my jacket should she ever go to see him. *wink


Kosmo's asleep at my feet. Ive got nothing really to do this afternoon but whatever.. Gr.

637 5215
344 2738
Call me up sometime.

(1 comment|I wanna wake up where you are)

[03 Apr 2005|09:41pm]
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down. I never complained

2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be. As long as you don't bother me during hockey season (IF IT EVER FUCKING COMES BACK!

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no,we are never going to think of
it that way. pastime, yes. Sport, no

4. Crying is blackmail. well then so are flowers and candy.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Well if you insist.. BRING ME FOOD! GIVE ME A MASSAGE! TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL! QUIT FUCKING TALKING-BAD ABOUT MY GIRLFRIENDS AND BUY ME MANGAS GOD DAMMIT!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question. Except perhaps the question "who else are you sleeping with?"

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. have you MET Lauren?

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. actually, the chemical reaction that happens in your brain when you climax gets rid of the headache. Never let her get away with that excuse again

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. Then get the hel over those thirty six other guys. (extra points to anyone that got the "Clerks" reference in that)

10.If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like a soap opera guy. fair enough

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. As a boyfriend you are required to say that we are beautiful. Even though we'll never believe you, you have to keep insisting. I know it doesn't make sense, but just deal with it.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. well yah. Same here then.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.I'll pay Lauren to do it

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials. And once a month don't fucking talk to me.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do
we. Yah, cause he only missed India by a couple miles

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Football: A bunch of 300 pound idiots in bright spandex pants trying to kill each other while shirtless guys with their chests painted get slobbering drunk.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. But do you have to do it while I'm trying to eat?

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle. </i>But don't be surprised when we're mad at you for not caring.</i>

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear. and expect us to get pissed at you, cause thats what we do

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine.......Really. We dont care whats on the outside. Its whats inside that counts. But I have this feeling that it won't be you for a while.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or
cars. fine by me, just say something dammit.

22. You have enough clothes. I hate your car.

23. You have too many shoes. You drink too much.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape. </i>Then don't you bother me to wear that lingerie.</i>

25. Thank you for reading this'; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that,
it's like camping. </i>I would just kick myself to the couch. Try to make him feel bad for making me uncomfortable. And if that doesn't work, at least I get to complain about my back hurting for the next week or three.</i>

(4 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[30 Mar 2005|02:59pm]
[ mood | calm ]

first job: havent had one yet
First school: Today's Child (pre-school)
First funeral: my grandfathers
First pet: a cat
First piercing/tattoo: I got my ears done when I was 13
First credit card: I wish
First kiss: Larry Barfield. October 19, 2003
First one that mattered: See above
First love: Larry
First enemy: Probably Josh K
First big trip: Phili to Inverness
First concert: Goo Goo Dolls
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Tom Petty

LASTS
Last car ride: Jake took me home from Movie Gallery yesterday
Last kiss: Last night :-)
Last library book checked out: i cannot remember that far back
Last beverage drank: Mango Smoothie
Last food consumed: food? A pint of Chunky Monkey
Last phone call: Regina called this morning
Last time brushed teeth: This morning
Last CD played: Yellowcard
Last person talked to: Regina
Last soda drank: Orange soda
Last ice cream eaten: last night
Last time scolded: What time is it?
Last jewlery worn: My pentacle

Full name: Mab
Astrological sign: Taurus
Pets: Kosmo the Golden Retriever and an ungodly amount of cats

PRESENT AND PAST
First thing you thought of when you woke up this morning: I'm cold
What were you like as a child: hyper-active and cheerful
What did you want to be when you grew up: a writer
What do you want to be now: I'm not sure yet
How many cars have you had: a red and yellow one with no floor that Hannah and I pushed each other around the driveway in.
How many boy/girl friends have you had: I'm on my third relationship
How many people have you kissed: Uhm.. I dunno.. A lot
How family oriented are you: My family and our quirkiness KICK ASS!
Last thing you thought about before going to sleep last night: Wow, Matt is really interesting when he's drunk

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU?
Saw a movie: I watched Clerks again last night
Told someone you loved him or her: I told Kosmo this morning
Hugged: a few minutes ago
Were sick: a few minutes ago
Smiled: When I wrote about Matt being drunk
Bought something: I rented a game today, does that count?
Danced: last night. I was making fun of Hannah
Had a nightmare: three or four days. Surprisingly long for me
Did something illegal: Uhm.. *pleads the fifth

DO YOU/HAVE YOU:
Been in love: yes
Drank: yes
Smoked: yes
Kissed the same sex: yes
Play an instrument: i have
Believe there is life on other planets: yes
Read the newspaper: on occasion (usually the comics)
Have any gay or lesbian or bi friends: a few actually, including one of my best friends
Believe in miracles: yes
Believe in astrology: to a certain extent
Collect anything: Hockey-related stuff
Have a best friend or best friends: Yes
Wish on stars: yes
Like your handwriting: yes, in all its wonderous forms
Have any bad habits: a few
Been toilet papering: ehbleh?
Been to a foreign country: yep :)
Been in a car accident: not that I can remember
Something that I'm deathly afraid of: being alone
Do you believe in love: yes
Do you believe in love at first sight: nope. Lust and Infatuation, but not love
Do you believe in forgiveness: It does exist, but isn't always called for.
What are some of your favorite pig out foods: Coke, chips, candy, muffins, more coke.. Gecko food
What's something you wish you could understand better: God's motivations

FIRSTS
First best friend: Selena
First car: havent had one yet
First date: Uhm.. I think I went to see a movie with Josh and some friends..
First break-up: Josh
First screen name: Malakwyn
First self purchased album: I have no idea..

What is in your cd player: American Idiot
What color socks are you wearing: grey
What Color of underwear are you wearing: yellow
What's under your bed?: No one knows, for none have lived to tell the tale
What time did you wake up today: around seven

FUTURE
Where do you want to go: New England
What is your career going to be: i don't know
Where are you going to live: A little apartment in boston or new york
How many kids do you want: I have no idea. anywhere between 0 and 2
What kind of car(s): Honda Civic

CURRENT
Current mood: Tired
Current music: I have a song by Orgy stuck in my head
Current taste: that "I just woke up" taste
Current hair: pigtails
Current clothes: My Flogging Molly pants (for that is what they are now called) and a black tank top
Current annoyance(s): fuckin pills are making me sick
Current longing: To fall asleep in a "compromising position" with my best friend in the Geck-Cave
Current desktop: Black Mage
Current hate: human nature
I may seem: like a bitch
But I'm really: just very passionate about the things I hate
Sometimes I feel: like my only friend. Is the city I live in, the City of Angels, lonely as I am together we cry
In the morning I: don't react very quickly, cant really think.. It takes me an hour or so to really wake up
If I could be doing anything right now I would: be in the Geck-Cave head-banging to System of a Down
Money is: the root of all evil. So get it, find it, make it!
One thing I wish I had is: patience for idiots
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: the gene that makes me very easily addicted
All I need is: Gecko
If I had one wish it would be: I'd have to think about it
If an angel flew into my window at night I would: say hi and ask them if i could get them anything
If a demon crashed into my window I would: suggegst next time they open it first
If I could see one person right now it would be: Chester Bennington
Something I want but I don't really need are: video games!
Something I need but I don't really want is: a meal
I live for: CROWD SURFING!

(9 comments|I wanna wake up where you are)

[29 Mar 2005|09:57am]
[ mood | Grrr ]

I heart chocolate




And I hate John. No seriously. Quit trying to buy my love dammit, youre so fucking stupid.

I really wish I could go to citrus. what the fuck. but dad doesnt even want me to try.
So Im just sitting here listening to the radio and wasting time before I go to regina's.
Not much else is going on in my life.
I think I broke up with Jen.
It was only a matter of time though.
She was being a bitch to jake as always and I just got so fucking sick of her acting like this is a battle for me.
I'm all "depressed" again. Every second is spent arguing with myself and trying to find something else to do than go back to what I had done. that makes no sense.. fuck. Im trying not to cut dammit.
fuck this.
Im going to "school"

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